Letter to my 17 year old self

(Image Courtesy: Google )

To,
The girl who's waiting for this!


Hey! The first thing I want you to know is, life's gonna be good! Yes, I know it's hard to believe.With all these board and entrance exams, pressure to get in a good college, and the depressing ranks, I know those college dreams feel distant. Don't be scared to dream. Don't listen to the teacher who doubts your capabilities, or the neighbourhood aunty who's genius son cleared all the entrances, or any other person who thinks he knows what you are going through. It's really not a big deal. Many people will tell you that these few months will decide your whole future, but life doesn't work that way. So quit worrying and over-thinking and stick to your "don't judge me on scores, about me there is so much more' quote. Explore the blogging world and the new fandom you joined. Do crazy, silly things to laugh about it later. Let others judge, don't listen to anyone but your heart.

You know you don't want to be an engineer, doctor or statistician, so why bother about the results. You are already torturing yourself with the 20 entrances exams because others suggested its good to have backup plans. Now stop listening to others. Focus on your dream, no more second thoughts. Yes, you'll get into architecture, but as you already know, life never goes as per plan. So enjoy the surprise, life has for you and these months will soon pass. Nobody cares about marks or ranks. After a year, even you won't remember it.
 And all the best! (coz I know you like to hear this)

Your adorable future-self
18-year-old ME! 

P.S- Don't read this, its bakwas !

Last few months I have spent juggling with board exams and entrances. It was horrible, the exam and studies and people asking 'whats your plan now?'! To be honest I hated that question. Being in a phase where you barely have any clue where your life is going, this question makes you feel more drowned. But thankfully its over now.
 And the hardest part to believe is I have already spent one month without any tension, celebrating and doing nothing. The exam marathon felt like a slow motion horror movie and the time after it was over was more like riding those futuristic cars in maximum possible speed.

 So from tomorrow my college is starting,
1st thing- I still can't believe I'll be a college student now, neither I look like one
2nd - I feel I deserved much longer break after entrances
3rd- I don't know what I'm going to wear
4th- I'm asking every random person about their 1st day college experience (please share in comments)
5th- How to make new friends? (I'm really bad at it)
6th- I'm excited, nervous and clueless at the same time
7th- I have no idea why I'm writing this meaning-less blog post
8th-And thanks for wasting your time reading this.

(P.S- I'm not this crazy always (though most of the times I'm)...and don't blame me, I warned you)

Fall for...

I used to think

I fall for those mysterious eyes

But seems like its

The innocent smile

Which melts my heart

Like ice on hand

And tickles my thoughts

Like soft feathers do ! 

Be Yourself & Let Others too !

BE YOURSELF! Its something we hear most of the people say and almost every thoughts column includes this point. But the point is not how being yourself and not caring about others opinion is ideally the best mantra of life. Rather the question is why on the first hand we started losing ourselves. We are all different and it has never bothered any of us when we were kids. What exactly happened in this complicated process known as "growing up"?

Lets start from the time when school life starts. A child is expected to score high and be genius like Newton & Einstein, excel in sports like famous sports person and be creative in art like Picasso. Similarly for every other field we have an idol and the tagline 'be like him/her'. Now talk about 'being yourself'! If we are good at one thing then rather than following others  footsteps, the point is to do the same in original and different way. Isn't that whats 'being different' is?

As we grow more in age a typical thing enters inside us. We start judging people. And the process of making friends and interacting with others becomes complicated. We go like 'she is so different, I can barely stand her', 'she's weird', 'i have zero tolerance for irritating people', 'she's so loud' and blah blah blah.!

Its not just about 'being yourself'. Its about accepting people as they are. If you have firm belief in the phrase 'be yourself', then have an equal belief in 'accepting people as they are' ! 

Rain, Puddles and Dancing me..

     

         Like every morning, I was jogging in the park. The thick layers of trees and the twisted sand-gravel path gives it forest like look. I could feel the bead of sweat making their way through my curls and my cheeks getting hotter and redder. Then I felt cold water drops on my shoulder. I looked up towards sky, the shapelessly shaped clouds started showering water. I know peacocks dance in rain, so without thinking twice turned I for an extra round in hope to see one. Little did I knew, it wasn't going to end just in smooth drizzle. The heavy rain shower started. I was getting wet. I could hear the peacocks but finding them in this rain wasn't possible. Still it was so much fun that I continued with my jog. Sweat hot me being washed by cold fresh rain. The path was now filled with puddles. The sky started giving thunder calls and then it was raining heavily. I was wet from head to toe. My curls were damp and I had to half shut my eyes to be able to see through. Now the road to home turned into a low depth river. I was already so wet that I didn't care about stepping into puddles. I was jumping and dancing in the empty roads with water puddles scattered like nuts in cookies. Some people in shade might have thought I'm crazy to be in such heavy rain, but they had no idea about the fun. It felt so good that I'm not sure whether I can get enough words to explain that..... 

Me: A Mystery Hard To Solve !

I had to write some essays for college application.

Now that is something i don't like. The sole reason being I don't like to be bounded by a topic. I like my thoughts to soar in different direction. Still i made attempts.

So the thing i figured out while doing so it is, I don't know myself that well. I have tried understanding others, and being careful not to hurt anyone. But I totally forgot to do the same for myself. I'm not saying I'm selfless types, yes like a normal human being I'm selfish sometimes. But the fact is, I don't know myself.

I thought I know exactly what I want, how I want the things to happen. But the truth is, I have no clue. I'm just going with the flow and now I get the whole point about why I have started writing. I have never felt that I'm any good at it. It was my attempt to express myself. But now i figured out, this blog is in one way my attempts to figure out 'myself' !! A mystery hard to solve! 

10 things we do when exam is over !

During exams we postpone every activity and have a big enough list for 'after exams' time. But what we end up doing? Most of the times we hear ourselves saying this :-

1) i have got a lot of things to do..but all i want to do is... nothing" 

2) Lets sleep more...and more....

3) To internet and social networking sites.... "now its boring..but i can't get off it"

4) T.V and movie...with yummy food !! sounds good ? 

5) am i gaining weight?? should i work out? but i can't wake up early..sleep is important... lets forget about it ! :P

6) should i go out? naahh!! weather doesn't pleases me enough.

7) i guess i should call others and ask what they are doing.... (we all are same)

8) so finally i got some plans in my mind to use this time properly

9) wait a min.... break will be over soon

10) why don't i get enough holidays -_- !

Dose Of Positivity !

This time is weird. My life is at  a point from where i'll start a new journey. No more staying in the old path, but about to make a new start.

 I call it weird not for this turn, but because I have no idea what I'll choose. And also which path will choose me. Its not going to be the smooth and easy journey, I know. But something keeps telling me that I have lot of mysteries to unlock. Something really amazing is waiting for me.

Maybe this makes no sense.  But the point I'm trying to make is, when everything around me is negative, queerly, I'm feeling so hopeful and positive.

Maybe that is why I'm smiling, though I have no reason to.

Life is too short to be anything but happy, because I have faith in myself, I'll do something great no matter how many hurdles life throws at me!

Try this tonic of positiveness and maybe you also forget to take stress. Believe in yourself and maybe then others will do the same. Start loving yourself and you might not know whose inspiration you turn out to be !

Random Entrance Gyan

Till now I have appeared for like 20 entrance exams of different types. From engineering, medical, architecture, fashion designing, hotel management, statistics and maybe more. But for me there are just two classification, the one i enjoyed appearing for and the rest i just had to .

And every time the same question
 "how was the test?"

and my answer is according to the ones I enjoyed.

So, in simple words, just appearing for entrance exams tell you whether you'll enjoy the subject or not!
And rest the marks and rank will decide your fate !

When I'm the One Drowning Myself, How Can I Blame The Water !

In the last article : "Don't Judge Me On Score, About Me There Is So Much More"

I focused on how asking for results on result day and judging them on scores is unfair and depressing from student's point of view. 

Today, a saw another prospective of the same. When I say "DON'T JUDGE ME ON SCORES" , why do i have a fear to be judged on score. Am I losing faith in the second line "ABOUT ME THERE IS SO MUCH MORE"? 

My brain answered, this happens when one is so much lost in living up to others expectations that they overlook their own. 

Is it the fact that I stated living in hope to make others happy, and somewhere, somehow started losing my own happiness? When on one side I'm so rebellious about breaking the common stereotypical norms of career choice and doing something different, why do I care for not being excellent in something I don't really want to do? 

On one side I'm criticizing the benchmark of 90+% , then why really am I so sad for not crossing that benchmark? Why do I care? 

Maybe because living so long in this society where scores are the 'status symbol' my thinking got influenced by their point of view. But the fact is I'm always the different one. My scores aren't bad and any increase in score isn't really going to help me for my own set aim. The day I felt being all-rounder was the best, I failed to realize that, to reach heights one has to rise from one corner, being sphere never really makes you stable or high!

So now, when I am awakened, I should leave every comment and judgement behind and speed up to chase my dream. Because maybe all this time what I was doing was drowning myself in sea of other's expectations and blaming them for expecting! 

Thus, I in some way contradicted my own last article !

Moral -Shift in perspective can show you multiple sides of a one dimensional subject.  

Don't Judge Me On Scores, About Me There Is So Much More !

Right now, at this very moment I want to scream out loud
"I'm not here for you to scale me on marks" !

Where has the time gone when a person was appreciated for the things they are good at. Yes I'm referring to the time when being different was considered the best thing. But now, atleast for students its not the same. If in 12th's board you are not scoring in 90's range of percentage then you are not good for anything. On top of this expectation to score, there is the stereotyped theory of science kid going for engineering, and if you have bio then for sure doctor. Commerce equals to C.A and humanities mostly would end up taking english ! 

But NO, this is not how it works. I have taken science with bio and I don't want to be doctor or engineer. So please stop giving me those pity looks for not clearing engineering or medical entrances! I don't want to do that. I have my plan of MY OWN LIFE, and i'm not really looking for your judgement. Thanks for your concern, but no thanks I really don't need that ! If you can't support and understand, don't try to make it harder for me.

For a second, forget my marks. Now let me tell you about myself, I'm a creative girl who loves to draw and sketch and my canvases witness that. I have many blogs with poems, try reading them before reading my report card (that'll give you an idea what i'm going through because of these judgement) , I'm into photography, i take part in debates, and maybe there's much more about me if you shift your zoom out from the figure of marks, you might see.

So, try doing this, for the very first time don't call and ask anyone's marks. If one has scored really good and feel its worth sharing with you, they'll call you. Your over excitement can drown a student in sea of expectation and we'll nobody really taught us how to swim through that. Its a plea! And pass on this phrase :-

DON'T JUDGE ME ON SCORES
ABOUT ME THERE IS SO MUCH MORE !

Painting v/s Photography

 Many times the comparison between 'photography' and 'painting' has puzzled me. 

When one can easily click a photograph then why take so much time to paint one? After all the easy thing is always the better. But then why people paint and draw? I like both but still that doesn't answer my question.

It just strike me that there is a big difference. And I guess I found meaning of both too.

PHOTOGRAPHY is capturing a moment which is provided by nature and is possible to exist. It brings to us all the beautiful things which exist and we fail to notice. It proved the beauty lies around us but we fail to see.

 and

PAINTING is capturing an imagination. Imagination has no boundaries, it can one everywhere. So isn't capturing one such imagination worth the time taken to draw one painting. And painting exhibition is in fact a feast of imaginations presented beautifully through medium of colors and art!

So finally i figured out this ☺ !

#Vote4Children

     

When I was a kid, my parents told me "be whatever you want to be". I was always free to make a choice for future and they were there to guide me. That day returning from my entrance exam center school I saw a strange scene. It was strange not because its not commonly scene, but for being something I ignored until that day. A child, probably 8 or 9 years old was  washing utensils in a small food stall and his master selling food to school kids. That child was a child labour and inspite of the laws, this was happening in the capital of our country. How shameful is that. When I was given a choice to be what i wish to, why can't that child have such option? I bet if anybody would have given him choice, he would have never selected being a "child labour".
   Its school where we learn and turn literate. Just outside the gate of  one such school a kid is losing his childhood in drought of hard-work and no drop of education is there for rescue! Daily he watches many students entering the school gates, which for him is just a mysterious place. He would never get into that place and his whole life would be a hardship.
  After returning I saw the vegetable boy. He was a 7 year old boy, called as Chotu by everyone and delivers vegetables on his uncle's order to houses in my area. When asked about school, with a shy smile and a tinge of disappointment he said "i don't go to school". A toffee makes him really happy, but I wish he knew the taste of education which would fill his future with sweetness like toffee.
   Here, I feel helpless as I can't do anything. I don't know whether this piece of writing would do any good. But I know one day along with being "whatever I want to", I'll also try to handover this option to these poor kids who are gripped in ropes of poverty and the need to earn has snatched the right of education from them.

#Vote4Children and lets make a difference.

Another new start !

Sometimes, all I want to do share my thoughts. The moment when my thoughtful phase just turns on. But most of the times what I don't get is 'good listeners' , or maybe they have got better things to do!

So here's my personal space for all my thoughts and notes and stuffs! If you like it... welcome to read :) !

I'll try my best to make it interesting !