Ruhi was always the quiet & calm one, unlike her younger brother Rudra who was like a storm, spontaneous & loud. She has always been the mystery to others, her talents were still not known to most. In her mind she carried a whole new world and heaps of desires.
As Ruhi :
So it happened again. The annual examination results are out and I got less than my brother. He has got the perfect 10 grade and I'm stuck at 9. I feel sad, so to distract myself I checked my mail, and guess what, my poem got the 1st prize in The T.T Poetry Competition. This made my day and as usual its written on my face. I'm overjoyed. I never told my parents I write poems, they just reside safely in my diary. But today I wanted to reveal this secret habit! How happy they would be, I can imagine their faces lighting up with happiness and the proud expression which is always there for my brother.
I slowed down as I reached the living room, my mother and Rudra were there. I scanned the room for my father, as it has always been my desire to make him proud. I always call myself 'Daddy's girl'. So there he was, talking on phone with someone, maybe with Sant Uncle. He was his best friend. As I headed towards him, tip toed to break the news suddenly & surprise him. Then I felt my legs freeze. I heard him saying in a disappointed tone "hmm.. it was again a 9, no improvements". These words really stabbed hard. I didn't realize my grades matter much, after all I have different plans for life. I want to go for something creative & that doesn't require grades, I know that. I felt a lump in my throat. I was standing there still and around me everything was normal. No one paid much notice to my presence.
NoooOO not again. I felt the tears filling me eyes and I didn't want to cry. No, not like every time. These tears always shut me down and I can't speak out what I want to. My heart ached in the familiar way. I started taking deep breaths, but the pool of tears started to flow and I felt Mom's gaze shifting towards me. She can easily tell whenever I'm crying. Maybe my red eyes were loud. I tried like usual to hide them with my short straight hairs. In past few months I have disappointed them many times. But I always wish they could read me, know what goes inside me. Not that I didn't tried to explain myself, but everytime I did my tears ruined it all. This time I decided I won't let my voice die. No, not this time.
I struggled with tears, he was done with phone. I knew my tears would break my voice. And again Rudra would start teasing me 'crying baby' !! This might not be big deal, but it hurt. And this time I had full plan to finally speak up. So after struggling and fighting my tears, I found my voice and I heard myself saying "why my marks matter so much when I want to be an artist?" and I left at that. Yes, just a question. I said nothing more and tears were already wetting my cheeks and my voice lost strength to say more. But it did the job. I found that a guild spread over Dad's face. I didn't want that, but then he understood what I felt. He regretted and I could feel that. I shifted my gaze and stared the floor. As my tears started falling off and the silence in room was like the one just after storm. Yes, I finally did it, my little victory in efforts of bringing my feeling out using my voice. The part that my parents know how much I crave for silence to succeed in drying those tears, helped every time. So I made a little step but couldn't really get the voice to tell them about my secret talent.!
Maybe one day I could do it well, speak up my thoughts and feeling without the salty evils.
So it happened again. The annual examination results are out and I got less than my brother. He has got the perfect 10 grade and I'm stuck at 9. I feel sad, so to distract myself I checked my mail, and guess what, my poem got the 1st prize in The T.T Poetry Competition. This made my day and as usual its written on my face. I'm overjoyed. I never told my parents I write poems, they just reside safely in my diary. But today I wanted to reveal this secret habit! How happy they would be, I can imagine their faces lighting up with happiness and the proud expression which is always there for my brother.
I slowed down as I reached the living room, my mother and Rudra were there. I scanned the room for my father, as it has always been my desire to make him proud. I always call myself 'Daddy's girl'. So there he was, talking on phone with someone, maybe with Sant Uncle. He was his best friend. As I headed towards him, tip toed to break the news suddenly & surprise him. Then I felt my legs freeze. I heard him saying in a disappointed tone "hmm.. it was again a 9, no improvements". These words really stabbed hard. I didn't realize my grades matter much, after all I have different plans for life. I want to go for something creative & that doesn't require grades, I know that. I felt a lump in my throat. I was standing there still and around me everything was normal. No one paid much notice to my presence.
NoooOO not again. I felt the tears filling me eyes and I didn't want to cry. No, not like every time. These tears always shut me down and I can't speak out what I want to. My heart ached in the familiar way. I started taking deep breaths, but the pool of tears started to flow and I felt Mom's gaze shifting towards me. She can easily tell whenever I'm crying. Maybe my red eyes were loud. I tried like usual to hide them with my short straight hairs. In past few months I have disappointed them many times. But I always wish they could read me, know what goes inside me. Not that I didn't tried to explain myself, but everytime I did my tears ruined it all. This time I decided I won't let my voice die. No, not this time.
I struggled with tears, he was done with phone. I knew my tears would break my voice. And again Rudra would start teasing me 'crying baby' !! This might not be big deal, but it hurt. And this time I had full plan to finally speak up. So after struggling and fighting my tears, I found my voice and I heard myself saying "why my marks matter so much when I want to be an artist?" and I left at that. Yes, just a question. I said nothing more and tears were already wetting my cheeks and my voice lost strength to say more. But it did the job. I found that a guild spread over Dad's face. I didn't want that, but then he understood what I felt. He regretted and I could feel that. I shifted my gaze and stared the floor. As my tears started falling off and the silence in room was like the one just after storm. Yes, I finally did it, my little victory in efforts of bringing my feeling out using my voice. The part that my parents know how much I crave for silence to succeed in drying those tears, helped every time. So I made a little step but couldn't really get the voice to tell them about my secret talent.!
Maybe one day I could do it well, speak up my thoughts and feeling without the salty evils.
I am falling short of words to describe how much I like it♥♥:)
ReplyDeleteaww... thanks a lot Juhi ! ☺
DeleteIt is indeed victory. Congratulations. You may have tagged it as fiction, but I can imagine it is coming from your life experiences.
ReplyDeleteI am sure someday you will be able to do it, very well.
ReplyDeleteLovely post!